My faithful throng of 6 faithful followers, never try to cook something I have messed up. You will fail miserably and w/o as much panache as I.
heretoforth you may address me WTFness
Nay, just bask in the glow of my dim wit as I will be forever the trail BLAZING fool Chef. Do not rise up my multitudette as I may have to call in the Food Court Jester to quell you! It is not a pretty sight
Category: Leftovers
Observations
Saw this on Craigs and as I have said before, I could send a few wanna be Restaurant owners here and just get it over with.
FOX’S KITCHEN NIGHTMARES IS LOOKING FOR THE WORST RESTAURANTS IN YOUR AREA!
CHEF GORDON RAMSAY WANTS TO HELP YOU TURN YOUR BUSINESS AROUND & TURN A PROFIT
HAVE YOU BEEN TO A RESTAURANT WITH HORRIBLE SERVICE & WORSE FOOD?
DO YOU OWN A RESTAURANT AND CAN’T SEEM TO TURN A PROFIT?
DO YOU HAVE A UNIQUE STORY ABOUT YOUR RESTAURANT? I.E. IT WAS INHERITED, BUSINESS PARTNER WITH YOUR LIFE PARTNER, CIRCUS FAMILY..
IF SO WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU
KitchenNightmares@theconlincompany.com or kitchennightmares4@gmail.com
Call:1-866-226-2226
Recently I met with a couple of folks that wanted to open a restaurant with their grown children. None of them had any experience in the food biz. The couple were retired and for some reason thought it would be family fun to go into this venture. So here are some of the Q&A
Me: Have you secured a place yet and where?
They:Our Daughter is looking into it. (oh greeeeeeaaatttt)
Me: What type of menu do you want and are you going to serve beer/wine/mixed drinks?
They: We want to do family style menu and probably just serve beer and wine. (in other words you really don’t know what is involved with that)
Me: Family style as in large platters for people to share?
They: No no, family style food. (okay, gotcha-comfort food)
Me: So meatloaf, CFS, Q and the like?
They: YES! stuff like that.
They (she): and we like that pad thai too. Barb (the Daughter) really likes those California Rolls. (—–groan)
Me: Perhaps those might be interesting things to do for a special but honestly, they don’t quite fit with the other comfort food.
They: We should serve a little of all kinds of food. (Do you people know WHY Chefs despise the Cheesecake Factory?)
Me: Well I wish you well but I don’t think I am the person you need for this. (May I PLEASE give you the website so you can go ahead and apply to be on TV as one of those restaurants that is failing miserably?)
Doctors and Lawyers try to own a restaurant and it fails miserably. The problem usually lies with the owners not letting the people they hire to run the place actually do their jobs. There was a local place that was a prime example. They hired a good Chef that I know to write the menu and standardized recipes. Everything was the normal rocky soft open, then it went way south. The owners (in this instance, Lawyers) decided they needed to tweek the portion sizes (smaller) and increase the prices.
Then they fired the Chef because he tried to let them know it was not gonna work that way. Sure enough, using canned soup and advertising it as made fresh daily didn’t fly. The Son of one of the owners was hired to run the place-his previous experience nil as far as a restaurant. He had managed a bar that quickly closed.
Back to the food. It just got stupid! The sides were served in 3 oz. plastic portion bowls. They were placed on the same plate as the main-visualize a burger on the plate with a little bowl of fries on there as well. Oh and the plate size? it was a 6.5 inch rounder.
So the moral of this? The patrons were not fooled into thinking they were getting value. Skimping on the cheap stuff (i.e. soup of the day and freaking fries (seriously?) is going to be noticed. Hiring High School kids w/o experience for your line (cooks) because you can pay them minimum wage is a bad choice.
I flipped on the news on Black Friday. I just wanted to see how many people got hurt trying to get through the “door busters”. It is bent I know.
That said, I look at it this way, they kinda deserve it. How much did they intend to save? How much did they save? How much did they spend on the Dr. bills to save a couple bucks?
Seriously, most of the electronics are gonna go down again after the first of the year. So what if there isn’t a gift to unwrap? Would your friends and family rather have you alive and well or an object that is not going to be worth a flip in 6 months?
Chew on that one for a while.
There is a site I use to get bids for catering. I got a bid request from a lady for 10-12 people. I have edited her name to protect the ignorant. Here are the e-mails we exchanged:
@Me: I would like to have some finger food or horsdorvs for a Bunco party with 10-12 women. Thank you.
@Her: What type of foods would you like to serve? Do you want hot, cold, or both? Is there a particular theme you would like? Would you like sweet, savory or both? Would you want me to prepare them in your home or off site and deliver? Let me know as soon as possible so I can send you some menu ideas and we can narrow down a price point. Thank you very much for your interest.
@Me: We should have hot and cold and sweet for everyone. I don’t want you to cook it.
(Okay, so far this is going no where!)
@Her: It is my understanding that you would like for me to prepare the cater off site and deliver it to your home. May I suggest some simple mini asparagus quiches, mini chicken salad salad on croissants and perhaps for the sweet, individual fruit tarts? I have attached pictures for your review so that you might get an idea. I will be happy to go into more detail of each hor d’oeuvres. I look forward to your input.
@Me: The pictures look nice. Your ideas will be just fine. I think we need to have some mixed nuts so I have them on each of the card tables.
@Her: Wonderful. For what you would like, my bid would be .xx per person, and my catering charge is xx.xx an hour with a 3 hour minimum. The catering charge does include the purchase of the food, time and travel as well as the service trays and bowls that will be left for any future use you may have. The service trays that you see in the pictures are heavy duty plastic and dishwasher safe. Attached is an invoice with a breakdown of the pricing. Let me know if this will work for you.
@Me: I don’t want to pay the catering charge and my niece only paid .xx per person at her wedding last year. I just want you to bring the food and the trays and bowls.
(oh great, this has GOT to be a joke)
@Her: Mrs. Xxxx, It is standard to pay for the catering. If you would like food delivered, I must still prepare the food and there will be a certain amount of cooking involved. I understand that your niece paid per person but there was also a catering charge at some point. Please review the attached breakdown of the charges. Thank you for your interest.
@Me: I said that I just wanted you to bring the food. I guess you just don’t understand what I asked you to do. I didn’t ask you to buy anything.
(fantastic, this lady really does not get it)
@Her: Mrs. Xxxx, I believe I do understand what you wanted. Unfortunately, it is not possible that I would be willing to purchase & prepare the food and service pieces as well as deliver it to you for less. May I suggest that it may better suit your needs to purchase a deli tray at the grocery store. Best wishes.
(I felt like I had just wasted way too much time with this woman and that was the end of it but NOOOOOO!)
@Me: Chef In Fugeo, I belive your prices are just much too high. I don’t want a deli tray. I want what you suggested but I just don’t think it is fair that I should pay for the food or any of the or any of the other stuff you listed. I only wanted it delivered. You can leave some of your business cards and recipes for everything and I can give them to the ladies at the Bunco Party.
(I did not respond and thought that was that. I did wonder why she would assume that I was going to be giving out recipes in the first place, the business cards perhaps. One day later)
@Me: When are you going to send me a better price for your catering? I am having the party at my home on Thursday and it is already Tuesday. You need to have everything here by 5 p.m. Because my friends will be here at 5:30. Make sure you bring your cards and recipes so I can give them to my guests.
@Her: The pricing for my services are quite reasonable. I do not care to work gratis or in trade for the opportunity of you handing out my business cards and I don’t ever supply my recipes.
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I wish I could say that it is the first time something like this has happened. I think the worst have been my friends. For some reason, I suppose that they think I get food free. Sure, I know how to shop for the best prices but free? The other attitude they seem to have is that my labor is free as well. If I was a Construction General Contractor, would they assume labor and materials are free to me and thus expect I would build them a house out of the goodness of my heart? I am not that nice.
I keep hearing and seeing ads for “Juice with a full serving of vegetables hidden in every 8 oz.glass”. Or “a full serving of vegetables hidden in a spaghetti or mix with ground meat sauce”.
First, why hide it?
Second, what was in there before if not the juice of some plant?
Third, am I supposed to be too daft to know that a tomato based product such as jar sauce has tomato and vegetables in the first place?
Last, what is in there to mask the flavor of the juice or vegetable?
There was an investigation of a Farmer’s Market in Cali. Wish there were more. I am certainly in to the whole local stuff. That written. I shall share some ugly.
Years ago, I worked for a small produce company in La. We got stuff from all over N. America and beyond. It was not a massive business. It had around 1000 accounts in the area. Family owned and operated.
Going along. We had folks that would come over to buy produce that was not the best looking. Some just bought a flat of stuff for jelly or what not. Not a bad deal. BUT
and there had to be a BUT! some would buy stuff to sell at the local FM. The drip noses would pass them off as local. Kinda feel like, well if you bought strawberries in January in La., what did you think you were gonna get? If they were hot house grown, they wouldn’t look so bruised. Just sayin
Salmon? Thank you so much FDA for protecting me from the evil warning label. I find the ironic thing is my tube of toothpaste tells me what is in it.
I don’t live on a farm. The Ag line is 1 block away from me. That is fine though. I still have access to lots of stuff. My neighbor has a couple fruit trees. Cactus paddle and rosemary grows wild everywhere (makes me wonder why they sell nopales in the store).
A few times a year, I can hear the noise to goats bleeting in the back yards of the neighbors. A few days later the gentle aroma of cabrito will fill the air. It isn’t exactly legal to have the goats in the back yard; however, it is Texas and a working family neighborhood.
We even have a truck that comes around selling fresh tortillas. Guess we have a shortage of Tias in the neighborhood. They do sell fresh at the local H.E.B. and I am sure that the lady who makes them in front of me has to be someones Aunt. I am not an Aunt so I shall leave the tortillas in their capable hands. That and one of the few kitchen items I don’t own is a tortilla press. It is on my list though.
We also have a fantastic farmers market. They offer some really great stuff. Visit the Cedar Park Farmer’s Market if you have the chance. Actually any of your local Farmer’s Market is a good idea. I am big on buying as local as possible. I am lucky enough to live in an area that has so many food options. Yeah, some say NY or CHI, even LA is the best. I have traveled all over the Earth and tasted some really amazing stuff. For me, Texas still rocks. I think Texas really is the uber trend setter. Hell, our State Fair gave the world corn dogs and fried beer. Top that one Miami!
Chef En Fuego 